How did the blond explain how his helicopter crashed?
He said it was getting cold, so he turned off the ceiling fan.
Why did the blond quit his job as a restroom attendant? He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer.
What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials? Double-dumb.
How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower? The green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds.
What's the advantage of being married to a blond? You can park in handicapped zones.
What happened to the blonde tap dancer? She slipped off and fell down the drain.
How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde? It is the one with the kickstand.
What do you call an all-blond skydiving team? A new version of the Lawn Darts game.
Where do you look for blonds' obituaries? Under "Home Improvements."
Why did the blond take his new scarf back to the store? It was too tight.
Contributed By: Rebecca Rose, Canada.
Why did it take the blond a whole week to wash three basement windows?
It took him six days just to dig the holes to put the ladder in.
Did you hear about the blond who thought he discovered that he had a twin brother? He didn't realize he was looking in a mirror.
There were two blondes walking down the street and they spotted a compact. They rushed over to see who it belonged to so they could return it. The first one opens it and says, "This person looks familiar" The second one says, "Let me see." She looks at her friend and says, "Silly, that's me!"
Did you hear about the blond who never learned to waterski? He couldn't find a lake with a slope.
What do you call a blond in a leather jacket? A rebel without a clue!
Why did the blond only smell good on the right side? He didn't know where to buy Left Guard!
A blond is going to London on a plane; how can you steal his window seat? Tell him all seats going to London are in the middle row.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
Me: Hey, Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row? Donna: I dunno. How? Me: Tell her the same dumb blonde joke twice in a row. Me: Hey Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row?
Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail she was hammering? The noise gave her a headache.
Contributed By: Swong Arwaintga, Indonesia.
Why don't blonds have elevator jobs?
They don't know the route.
What did the blond do when he noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? He turned it over and used the other side.
Did you hear about the blond who just bought an A.M. radio? It took him two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000 leagues under the sea? She said that he loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.
Why did the blond stand in front of a mirror with his eyes closed? He wanted to see what he looked like asleep.
How many blonds does it take to make a circuit? Two: one to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass him the blow dryer!
Why do blondes have more fun? They are easier to keep amused.
What does a postcard from a blond's vacation say? Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
Why do blonds have TGIF on their shoes? Toes go in first.
Why don't blondes make good pharmacists? They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Contributed By: Marina George, USA.
Why did the blond scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.
How does a blond hemophiliac treat himself? Acupuncture.
Why did the blond get so excited after he finished the jigsaw puzzle in only six months? Because on the box, it said "From 2-4 years."
Did you hear about the blond who shot an arrow into the air? He missed.
What's the difference between a blonde and a tree? The tree knows when it's being cut down.
Why are most blonde jokes one-liners? So men will understand them.
Why are blondes immune to Mad Cow Disease? It only affects the brain.
What do you call a blond with half a brain? Gifted!
What do you do when a blond throws a pin at you? Run like hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
Did you hear about the blonde who won the gold medal at the Olympics? She had it bronzed.
Contributed By: Stephen Gardinger, France.
What's a blonde's favorite color?
A light shade of clear.
What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? Proofreading.
Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? For throwing out the W's.
How do you confuse a blond? Ask him to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Why does it work? "Does three come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
Why do all blonds all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead? Finger on chin - I don't know. Hits forehead - Oh I get it
How does a blonde high-five? She smacks herself in the forehead.
Did you hear about the blond prisoner who was found in his cell with half a dozen bumps on his head? He tried to hang himself with a bungee cord.
Hear about the blond explorer? He bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara Desert.
Did you hear about the blond who thought nitrates were cheaper than day rates?
Contributed By: Sonia Janet, Argentina.
How do you confuse a blond?
You don't have to. They're born that way.
What's the Blonde's Cheer? "I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....uh, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yeah yeah yeah..."
How did you know a blonde would do it for change? Maybe she thinks pennies are easier to count than dollar bills!
What do you get when you offer a blond a penny for his thoughts? Change.
What's the difference between a blond and a shopping cart? The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
What is a blond doing when he holds his hands over his ears? Trying to hold on to a thought.
What do you call a blond with brain damage? Normal.
How do blonde brain cells die? Alone.
What do you call blonde brain cells? On loan.
What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? Frosted Flakes.
Contributed By: Gerad Hammer, Poland.
Why don't blonds call 911 in an emergency?
They can't remember the number.
Or: They can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
Why couldn't the blond write the number ELEVEN? He didn't know which ONE came first.
How does a blond spell 'farm'? E-I-E-I-O.
What are the worst six years in a blonde's life? Third grade.
What do you call a blond in an institution of higher learning? A visitor.
Why can't blonds put in light bulbs? They keep breaking them with the hammers.
How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? "What's a light bulb?" Or: "You can change those things?!" Or: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaaddy!"
Why did the blonde stay up all night studying? She had a urine test the next day.
What is the definition of gross ignorance? 144 blonds.
How does a blonde change a lightbulb? She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."
Contributed By: Myra Trott, Australia.
What do you call a blond CPA?
Do blondes read Shakespeare? "No, who wrote it?"
Why are blonds hurt by peoples' words? Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
Did you hear about the blonde who thought her typewriter was pregnant? It was skipping periods.
What did the blond do when he discovered he had crabs? He went to the beach to set them all free.
Why did the blonde want to make love in the microwave? She wanted to have a baby in nine minutes.
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant.
What do you call a blonde with a brain? Pregnant.
Why does a blond only change his baby's diapers every month? Because it says right on it "good for up to twenty pounds."
Contributed By: Carlos Spencer, Spain.
Did you hear about that blond who was an M.D.?
Yes, Mentally Deficient.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
How do you kill a blonde? Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
How do blondes pierce their ears? They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs? She fell out of the tree.
How do you get a one-armed blond out of a tree? Wave to him.
What do you call a blond in a tree with a brief case? Branch Manager.
What did the blond think of the new computer? He didn't like it because he couldn't get MTV.
What's the difference between a blond and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once.
How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? There is a stamp on it.
Contributed By: Ronda Louise, Mexico.
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in kindergarten; which
one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she is the only one that's 18.
Why does it take so long to build a blond snowman? You have to hollow out the head.
What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A space invader.
What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blond? "Space. The final frontier."
What do you see when you look into a blond's eyes? The back of his head.
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ear.
What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in an empty area? A vacant lot.
Why don't blonds go bald? Because the vacuum in their head holds the hair in.
Did you hear about the blonde who wore "Space for Rent" signs as earrings?
Contributed By: Denis Lionne, Switzerland.
Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden.
What is the difference between Elvis and smart blonds? Elvis has been sighted.
What do you call a smart blonde? A Labrador retriever.
What do UFOs and smart blonds have in common? You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Santa, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking along when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? None of them, three don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
What did the blond say when asked if he believed in smoking? "Yes, I've seen it done."
Why did the blond take two hits of acid? He wanted to go on a round trip.
Why did the blond snort Nutra-Sweet? He thought it was Diet Coke.
What do you call ten blonds standing around in a circle? A dope ring.
How do you plant dope? Bury a blonde.
Contributed By: Josphina Albuquerque, Portugal.
Did you hear about the blond who almost caused a car accident?
The spare tire in his trunk blew out.
What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blond hair? Last year's Hide and Seek winner.
How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? One.
How many blondes does it take to play tag? One.
How do you keep a blond busy? Write 'please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Why did the blond stare at frozen orange juice can for two hours? Because it said "concentrate." A2: Like he can read! Honestly!
How do you keep a blonde in suspense? (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
How do you keep a blonde in suspense? Give her a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say 'hi.'
Why do blondes shower for hours? The shampoo bottle says, "Lather, rinse, and repeat!"
How do you get a blond to be quiet? Say: "A penny for your thoughts."
Contributed By: Rony Johnson, Jamaica.
A policeman pulled a blond over after he'd been driving the wrong
way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blond: No, but whatever it is, it must be bad since everyone's leaving.
What do you call a blond golfer with an I.Q. of 125? A foursome.
What's five miles long and has an I.Q. of forty? A blonde parade.
Why did the blonde bake a chicken for three and a half days? It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Why can't blonds make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.
Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID? Because they can't fit eight cups of water in the little packet.
Why don't blondes double recipes? The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
What does a blonde make best for dinner? Reservations.
Why did the blond call the welfare office? He wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Why was the blonde housewife mad at her husband? He was out shooting craps and she didn't know how to cook them.
Contributed By: Linday Rayburn, Scotland.
How did the blond try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.
What did the blonde say when he opened the box of Cheerios? "Oh, look! Doughnut seeds!"
Why don't blondes eat pickles? Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? From eating with forks.
Did you hear about the blonde who ate rocky mountain oysters? She was dragged 200 yards.
Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
Why don't blondes like buttered toast? They can't figure out which side the butter goes on.
Why did the blond keep a empty carton of milk in the fridge? In case he wanted black coffee.
How did the blonde die drinking milk? The cow fell on her.
Why did the blond climb up to the roof of the bar? He heard that the drinks were on the house.
Contributed By: Denver Wrigley, Iceland.
Why are there no dumb brunettes?
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch as much as they can that goes over their heads.
What happened to the suicide blonde? She dyed by her own hand.
What can save a dying blond? Hair transplants.
Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
How can you tell if a blond writes mysteries? He has a checkbook.
Why do blondes like lightning? They think someone is taking their picture.
How do you drive a blonde crazy? Hide her hair brush.
Why didn't the blond want a window seat on the plane? He didn't want it the wind to mess up his hair.
Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes? It's called MAIDS - if they don't get one, they die.
Contributed By: Nelly Rooney, Panama.
Most awesome collection of humorous funny short one liner blonde jokes along with the best of funny pictures and funniest videos that are a real treat for persons of all ages and suited for sharing at all functions and on social media platforms. Editor.