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There was a man and a blonde woman who were both mentally ill. They were walking around the swimming pool at the institution. The man fell in, and the woman went in to save him. The next day, a social worker called the woman into his office. He said that he had good news and bad news. The good news was that they may let her out because she had enough sense to save the guy. The bad news was that they found the man hung up, dead, in his closet. The woman said, "Well, I had to hang him up to dry. Can I leave, now?"
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A blond is walking on the street when she suddenly falls inside an uncovered manhole. She swears her way back up the ladder and manages to crawl all the way up, her clothes getting all torn up in the process. When she gets back to the top she wipes off the sweat from her forehead and says "Thank God the hole wasn't covered, or I would've never made it out!"
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One day a blonde walked into a cookie shop to see a small tray full of cookies. The sign said 'free sample' so she took one. The next day the blond was sick and could barely move. She swore revenge upon the cookie shop. She marched back to the cookie shop and burst into the cookie shop and slammed her foot. "Your cookies made me sick!" she screamed, pointing to the 'free sample' tray. "Oh, what are we going to do about that?" said the store clerk, as he bit his lip. "I want my money back!" screamed the blonde.
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An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds. The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
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A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him!" "Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding." "No, mother," the young woman laments. "I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about how much I spent on it." "Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed, "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars." "No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket." "Airplane ticket? What did you need an airplane ticket for?" "Well mother, when I went to cook it, I read the directions on the back and they said, "PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE," so I had to fly Alaska."
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There are two blondes working at a company together. The rest are redheads and brunettes. One day a blonde came in and started yelling "I'm a light, I'm a light!" The boss went over to her and told her that if she yelled that again she would get fired. So the next day the blonde came in yelling "I'm a light, I'm a light!" The boss went over to her and told her that she was fired. So she started to pack her bags and her other blonde friend was packing her bags too. The boss went over to her and said "Why are you packing your bags I fired your friend not you?" "I know", said the blonde "but how am I supposed to work without a light?"
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Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favourite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!" "Dear God! Did you try to stop him?" "No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"
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A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which horse was which. A neighbour suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again. The neighbour suggested she notch the ear off one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbour suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black horse.
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The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, uttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour. But I'm rechecking my answers."
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What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette? Artificial intelligence.

What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? An interpreter.

What do you call a good-looking brunette guy in between two blond guys? An interpreter in need of an immediate rescue.
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Three are 3 blonde men and a young woman in a train compartment. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young woman proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young college girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs,". And men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis." All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"
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One shark says to the other: “I ate a diver last week. I’m still sick from all the plastic.” The other shark waves a fin: “That’s nothing. I ate a blonde last week. She was such an airhead I still can't dive.”
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A blonde girl calls her boyfriend at work, "Darling, I'm doing this jigsaw puzzle but I just can't figure it out. All the pieces look the same." "And do you have the picture of what it's supposed to look like in the end?" "Yes, there is a red rooster on the box. But it just doesn't seem to work out." "Well don't worry about it, we'll look at it in the evening together." When he comes home in the evening, the blonde shows him the puzzle. After a long silence, he says, "Alright, now we'll just put those cornflakes back and not mention it again."
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A blonde and red head are walking in the woods when then red head has a heart attack and falls to the ground. Shocked, the blonde takes out her phone and calls the police and she shouts, "I think my friend is dead what do I do?". The policeman on the phone says, "Calm down and listen to me. First make sure that he really is dead." There is a silence. Then a loud gunshot. The blonde gets back on the phone and says, "Okay, now what?"
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There was a blonde in the forest walking on little Red Hiding hood's trail when she spots the bad wolf. She tells him, 'Hey bad wolf, I see you and I'm not scared!' So the wolf runs away, but a few minutes later she spots him hidden in the forest again and tells him, 'Hey bad wolf, I see you and I'm not scared!' So the wolf runs away again, but after a few minutes she spots him hiding behind a tree again, and yells to him 'Sorry wolfie, I still see you and I am not scared.' The wolf sighs, shakes his head and says 'Geez, is there no place I can go to the bathroom without you watching me?'
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